Just a few months ago the topic #perfectwoman was trending on Twitter. I joined in the fun for a laugh, describing my #perfectman as someone with the intellect of President Obama, the swag of Jay-Z and Gandhi’s kind heart. Many of my female followers RT’d in agreement.
We all dream about meeting Mr. Right, but how many of us spend less time thinking about that special man’s character and more time thinking about his wallet…hoping to find that that baller/artist/CEO who can whisk us away and introduce us to a better life? In fact, some of us place more emphasis on finding a partner who’s reached success than we do on finding our own success.
Granted, some women have grown up being hounded by parents to find that nice but wealthy young man to procreate with. I certainly don’t believe there is anything wrong with wanting to be with someone who’s ambitious and doing well in life but I do believe it’s in our best interests to hold ourselves to those same expectations.
Growing up, I’m thankful my mum never pressured me, or my sister, to get hitched and pop out grandkids ASAP. Instead, she drummed into our heads the importance of an education and building a career to ensure we had the one thing she considered essential – financial independence. Love doesn’t always last, she’s cautioned. We all know the risk that that great man, who may promise to take care of you in sickness and in health, might not live up to his word…sometimes he can’t and sometimes he just won’t.
So I always put most of my focus on getting good grades in class and figuring out what kind of career would make me happy, rather than what kind of man would. I’ve even given up one or two boyfriends that I loved in the process. One of the toughest things I ever had to do was leave my first love behind in England when I was offered the chance to attend school in America. I just couldn’t say ‘no’ to the chance of a brighter future. Of course I cried non-stop for a week but looking back it was the best move I ever could have made. My life would have turned out very differently if I hadn’t.
Establishing a good career for yourself can actually introduce you to new realms of possibilities when it comes to men. You’ll probably get to meet some great guys through work…I know I have. Plus a lot of men prefer a woman with their own thing going on. It builds confidence, which is undoubtedly a man-magnet – think Neyo “Miss Independent”.
Of course, there are statistics to show successful women of color in the US have a lower rate of marriage than those that make less money. That may be true, but at least those women can feel confident that they’re able to take care of themselves and their families. Most could probably find a husband if they really wanted to but they certainly don’t need one. They can pick and choose at will because they’re already enjoying the good life that they’ve provided for themselves.
Talk to most men who are successful and you’ll find they have tons of pretty girls jumping at the chance to date them. They’re certainly smart enough to know why. What makes a woman stand out to most of these guys, is when they feel that she likes them for who they are rather than just what they can provide.
It’s also important not to forget that a successful relationship takes respect on both sides and that means you need to bring something more to the table than just your good looks. Going back to the 3 men I mentioned earlier proves my point. All are/were successful in their own ways and all chose to be with women who bring the